Reality

So I've found myself questioning the definition of reality lately.  I know that seems really contrived and overdone, but I'm serious.  The dreams I've been having, my perceptions of myself and other people, all of them are getting very... warped, I guess.  I'm questioning what's real and what I might be misinterpreting, or maybe even making up entirely in my own head.  As a writer I've always had a majorly overactive imagination and I've always been able to view the world through different lenses and levels.  But now especially, I seem to be seeing everything as entirely subjective and relative.  And if everything is subjective and relative, if everything is open to interpretation, if everything can be brought down to a simple matter of opinion... Is anything truly "real" outside our own heads?

As a writer of historical fiction, its basically, my job to represent perfect, living reality through an imperfect, fictional lens.  I have to show the tumultuous, unpredictable, nonsensical rhythm of life in an ordered, organized, and logical manner.  Its not nearly as easy as it seems.  Even now, writing about real life, I don't know quite what I'm doing.  What sounds good or makes sense to me, might not sound good or make sense to anyone else.  Thats when my mind starts warping things.  I start trying to say, "Well if I do it THIS way then maybe these other people will like it," but then that always begs to age-old question of how do you please everybody when everything is subjective and just comes down to a matter of opinion?  You can't.  As a writer, I figured this out and accepted it a very long time ago.  But as someone who is OCD and a perfectionist, I have the urge to fight it every step of the way.  It really makes writing suck, since all you want to do is be good at it, maybe even good enough to be taken seriously and be published.  But in the end, its usually not about how well you write or how good your story is.  Its how well you play by someone else's rules when they're holding all the cards and they're the only one with the rule book.

I know that no one is really reading this aside from Skyler since she's my friend.  But next post I'm going to put up something I've written.  I don't know what it'll be yet but it'll be something recent and... If anyone is out there reading... which I don't think there are... Feel free to post comments or something about it.  I don't care about being gentle - I just ask for honesty.

Mmkay?  Ta.

Prayers

The man who offered to help me publish my novel had a major heart attack last night.  I don't even care about him being my ticket into the published world.  He's a good man, a friend of Skyler's family, and I don't believe its his time to die yet.  I'm asking for anyone who reads this post, anyone at all, to please pray for him.

Introduction

I never really thought about blogs as something other that what you see in that movie Julie & Julia.  I thought it was cool that this woman was able to focus enough to write a blog entry every day as well as work as well as do all that cooking... but I never thought it was something real that I myself could do.  Then my friend, lets call her Skyler, got a blog and started writing not every day but a lot.  And she was going on and on about how helpful it was to her and how much it kept her focused on writing her own individual stories and manuscripts.  And, well, honestly, all I could think was "Good for you!!  Now how about this other thing..."  I didn't really care all that much.  It was great she had something to keep her focused, but aside from that.... Eehh.

Then she contacts me a couple nights ago and tells me that her grandmother is good friends with this author in the historical fiction circuit.  This man happened to find my three chapters I had sent to Skyler, and he read them and immediately asked for more as soon as I can get it done.  It's nothing concrete.  But it's still a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

So Skyler and I got to talking about it.  I asked her about a jillion times if she was serious, if she'd seen him read it and heard him say it with her own eyes and ears, and she reassured me over and over that this was perfectly serious.  I've never been so close to passing out in my life, and for a few minutes I honestly didn't believe her.  But when I did believe her... It was like a train went speeding all up and down my body and around my head and back again and...  I wanted to scream.  This is what I've been dreaming of and working for for over ten years now.  Ten YEARS!!  And now its right there, right on the edge of my fingertips, and its so close I can almost feel it within my grasp.  Skyler told me the man had suggested I start a blog or start writing to magazines.  Build a fanbase.  As someone who is an introvert by nature, the idea of having a fanbase is intimidating, and as someone who is also self-conscious, the idea of me having a fanbase seems absurd.  But a blog.  A blog, I could do.  Its just like keeping a diary that you know your annoying little brother will read as soon as you're gone.  And... well, I dunno, it just seems easier to do then write for a magazine or something...  I haven't thought this through entirely, lemme alone xP

So... this is it.  Post 1 in my blog for writing.  I guess an introduction would be a good way to start, hence the longwinded explanation above.  There's not really much to tell that's not already in my About Me on my profile... Name is Kay, but those closest to me have started calling me Kiki.  <--- Not my real names, haha.  It's a penname, just one of a few I have in stock if they're ever needed.  I may change it later, may not.  I'm a 20 year old Sagitarrius going to college in the US.  I have a great family and wonderful best friends and a man-slave you might call "a boyfriend", muahaha!  I'm... a nerd.  I like to greet my friends by shouting "Expecto Patronum" at them and we make jokes about Edward Cullen living in the forest with his other fairy-friends.  If I had to choose any time period to be young in, I'd choose the 40's <3 But I really love all eras of history.  One of my favorites is the Tudor period, which is when most of the manuscripts I have are set.  And while I love the film version of The Other Boleyn Girl, both it and the book are historically inaccurate crap.  Speak to me not of Henry's cruel rape of Anne (he didn't) and Anne and Mary's bitter rivalry (they were actually quite close), because I will go off on you.  Yes - I am an accuracy tyrant, though I admit I make mistakes with it too.  I'm also a Grammar Nazi, so be afraid.  I am a Christian and an Independent voter, and a lot of people don't know where I stand on things because I don't feel like getting into fights about it.  And... that's it for now I guess.  I'll post again soon.  With what, I don't really know.  The Random House Express is turning a corner and I can't begin to guess where I'll end up.